


If it weren't for the night sky (I would have left long ago)

by Kersist



Series: the press of your lips against mine was just a reminder (darling we're out of time) [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, tiny bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4281468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kersist/pseuds/Kersist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know you're a monster but when will she learn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it weren't for the night sky (I would have left long ago)

This wasn’t supposed to happen. You are nothing but a monster. You don’t get to feel anything. You slam your fist into a tree as you stalk by, shattering the trunk. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

You snarl to yourself as you slam your fist into the trunk again before whipping around and continuing on your path of rampage. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were just supposed to do what Mother wanted before you could hide again for the next twenty years. But no. You just had to go and fall for that annoying child who didn’t know how to keep her nose out of everyone’s business. Because clearly you haven’t learned your lesson.

You growl and run your hands through your hair before dropping your arms. You look up to the night sky and count the stars and focus on your breathing before you start to calm down. Sighing, you decide to take another lap of the campus.

You don’t know why you are suddenly so worked up. But you really weren’t expecting to become attached to her. That stupid girl who isn’t supposed to feel safe around you. She was supposed to hate you, why doesn’t she hate you?

You huff in annoyance as you realize you were now standing in front of the dorm room. You glare at the door before opening it quietly. It was late, you realize and you shut the door behind you. Laura was already curled up in her bed, fast asleep. You sit on the edge of your bed and shut your eyes, listening to her breathe.

Something had changed between you. After her and the dimwit squad tied you up for nine days, you thought you would have been angrier. And you were at first. But the look on her face when you told her about your Mother, about Ell, the coffin. The look of terror when William tried to take her.

You run a hand through your hair and take a deep breath before standing. You are a monster devoid of emotion. You watch the rise and fall of the blankets as you step forward, needing to be close.

You shouldn’t stay here. You should leave. You shouldn’t be allowed in the same room as someone so innocent, so pure. Tentatively, you reach over and push the stray hair that fell in her face behind her ear.

Mother had already warned you. Stone cannot love flesh. You are a monster, incapable of love. Ell found out what you were. She was so afraid. Afraid of you. Afraid of the monster you are.

You let out a shaky breath as you cover your eyes with your palms. Vampires don’t cry, you had said. What would she do if she saw her big bad vampire roommate crying? You breathe deep for a moment before wiping your face with your sleeve. You are a pathetic mess.

She deserves so much better. You gently sit on her bed, your fingers ghosting over her cheek. You want to gather her in your arms and hold her close. To make sure nothing harms her again. You want to flee and take her with you. To take her far from Mother’s wrath.

You want her to see you for the monster you are. To run at first light and stay far away from you. To hide away from anything Mother could do to her. But you are a selfish creature. The more you think about this, the more you realize how deep you are.

But she does know. She knows you’re a vampire, a monster. She knows what you’ve done, what you’ve had to do. How you ended up in that coffin. She knows what you’ve done and yet, she’s still here. Instead of running from you, she stayed and defended you.

You shrug off your jacket and toss it on your bed before kicking off your boots. Slowly, you lower yourself next to her and study her face. Gently, you trace the outline of her lips with your thumb before leaning forward and leaving a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth.

You realize, as you watch her sleep, that you would do anything for her. That she makes you feel safe. Wanted. Needed. And you haven’t felt that way in so long.

You’re startled when she moves closer to you, burying her face in the crook of your neck and throwing her arm around your waist. You stiffen and wait for her to move or say something, when you notice she’s still asleep. Slowly, you curl your arm around her and pull her close before burying your face in her hair and sighing.

You know you can’t leave her now, you’re in too deep. You’re selfish. You don’t want her to go anywhere, to do anything, unless you’re there by her side. You need her. She makes you brave. You’ll do anything for her.

You now realize you’re in love with Laura Hollis. And you won’t let anyone take her from you.

**Author's Note:**

> The English language is stupid and I hate it.
> 
> Please be gentle, I don't write ever.


End file.
